Sts. Martha and Mary Parish, 1870 Burnhamthorpe Rd. E., Mississauga, Ontario, Canada


    

 Christian Humour

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Picture of the laughing Jesus

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark.

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark

One: Don't miss the boat.

Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.

Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

Four: Stay fit.  When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

Six : Build your future on high ground.

Seven:  For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.

Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting...Pass this along and make someone else smile, too.

    May your troubles be less,
    may your blessings be more,
    and may nothing but happiness
    come through your door!

(Thanks to John and Gloria)


A  Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?"

One child answered, "Mary."

The teacher then  asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?"

A little kid  said, "Verge."

Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get  that?"

The kid said, "Well, you know, they are always talking  about Verge n' Mary.''
 


3-year-old  Reese:  "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His  name. Amen."


A  little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better  boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I  am."


After  the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way  home in the back seat of the car.

His father asked him three times what  was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us  brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you  guys."


I  had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's  Prayer for several evenings at bedtime.

She would repeat after me  the lines from the prayer.

Finally, she decided to go solo. I  listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to  the end of the prayer:

"Lead us not into temptation," she  prayed, "but deliver us from E-mail."


One  particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash  baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our  baskets."


A  Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church  service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

One bright  little girl replied, "Because people  are sleeping."


Six-year-old  Angie and her four-year-old brother, Joel, were sitting together in  church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big  sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in  church."

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to  the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the  door? They're hushers."


A mother was preparing pancakes  for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who  would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a  moral lesson.

"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my  brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' Kevin turned to his  younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"


A father was at the beach with  his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his  hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died  and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.  The boy thought a moment  and then said,  "Did God throw him back  down?"


Picture of the laughing Jesus

A  wife invited some people to dinner.  At the table, she turned to  their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the  blessing?"

  "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl  replied.

  "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife  answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I  invite all these people to dinner?"

 

                                                  Edited: December 29, 2006 - Webmaster: Webmaster
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